First established to levy funds from farmers in 1862, today’s IRS employs nearly 100,000 people, many of whom are represented by the National Treasury Employees Union. Thanks to a collective-bargaining agreement, the nice folks at the NTEU claim good work should be rewarded.
We agree! Here are the top ten reasons your IRS agent deserves a bonus:
10. They Pray A Lot. Why else would they ask an Iowa pro-life group about the content of their prayers?
"Please explain how all of your activities, including the prayer meetings held outside of Planned Parenthood, are considered educational as defined under 501(c)(3)," reads the letter.
9. They Are Well-Read. They must be, given their inquiries to Tea Party groups about the names and summaries of books read at local book clubs. A kind conservative was generous enough to mail the agency a copy of the Constitution.
8. They’re Very Interested in Where Money Not Sent to Them Winds Up. Despite legal precedent protecting the identity of donors who contribute to non-profits, IRS agents requesting that information were probably just curious.
7. They’re Generous. At a $4.1 million 2010 Anaheim, CA conference, 38 local employees joined the fun by racking up a $30,000 hotel tab instead of attending the conference from home. The Deputy Commissioner even got to stay in a two-bedroom Presidential Suite at the Hilton, which goes for $3,500 per night. The maid service was totally worth it.
6. They’re Artsy. According to the official Inspector General report, at that same conference, the IRS spent $27,500 for an artist to paint portraits. Agency bonuses will help establish the “Collection of Funny Looking Auditors” at your local library.
5. They’re Intrigued by Etymology. "Please explain in detail the derivation of your organization's name” read a letter to the Ohio-based 1851 Center for Constitutional Law.
4. They Do Background Checks. Another read, “Submit the following information relating to your past and present directors, officers, and key employees: a) Provide a resume for each.”
3. They’re Dedicated to Serving You Even When They’re Stuck On an Island. Awaiting the “SS Continuing the Voyage for Quality in Field Assistance” the “Skipper” opines, “Remember what’s important. Enhancing the taxpayer experience, improving quality, and educating the taxpaying public.”
Adding insult to injury but without commentary, the Skipper goes on: “Remember in 2008 when we had the Economic Stimulus Program?” Yes, we remember.
2. They Can Dance.
One exhausted Cupid Shuffler proclaims, “They don’t pay me enough to do this.” Good thing those bonuses are on the way!
1. They’re Trekkies. In a Star Trek-like training video set one hundred years in the future on the planet “Notax”, the stated quest is a “never-ending mission … to seek out new tax forms, to explore strange new regulations, to boldly go where no government employee has gone before.” The citizens on the foreign planet are “Notax-ians”!
One crewman says, “Back in Russia I dreamed one day I’d be rich and famous.” His fellow mate responds, “Me too, that’s why I became a public servant.”
Obviously these guys need bonuses.